The last couple days have been ridiculous. I've been watching the IHOP Student Awakening with Mitch, Isaac, Ciara, Sam, and also Rob and others. We've been gathered in community for hours every night. It's been intense, trying, heavy....but joyful, liberating, and, frankly, amazing. It started with Wednesday, watching the Awakening service. There was such joy! Took us a while to get into it, but after 4 hours or so of watching the service (yeah, 4 hours...), it just broke open, and we were in really intense worship (when Matt Gilman started singing "Holy"...I LOVE that song of his...). Then the next song, I think was either that song that Jaye Thomas sings...like..."If you know the Lord's been good to you...then dance, dance, dance...." and after that, "You Are Good"....yup, we pretty much danced around crazy, jumping everywhere, singing at the tops of our lungs....all in Mitchell's barn. Crazy crazy crazy. It was a really good refreshing, bonding time for us.
Then the next night, we got together and did it again, but went deeper. We went to a Community Group Bible Study first (which was awesome....so many friends there....I want to go again!), and afterwards went back to Mitch's to watch the Awakening. My friend Ciara felt God's Presence like a heavy weight pushing her body to the floor until she just laid there facedown, unable to lift any part of her body for over an hour. Isaac and I were sitting on the couch with Mitchell between us, each of us praising and interceding whilst convulsing and groaning and laughing....lol It was so weird. And really great. There was an amazing song at the verrrry end of the service (such that the end of it got unceremoniously cut off as the webcast ended.....even though the song was about to explode, and I was shouting over it.....until it suddenly stopped and I was singing/shouting into a silent room full of people....;D) that is super contemplative and begins with "We wait for you. We wait for you. We wait for you. Walk in the room....." and riffs on that for quite a while. That was a really amazing prayer from my heart because I realized that there were definitely things that God wanted me to wait for Him for. Relationships, for one thing. What a cleansing time of prayer and praise. Alan Hood, one of the honchos at IHOP, gave a huge exhortation to get into Scripture, and fortify ourselves with pure spiritual milk and then with meat, instead of just being led into shallow worship experiences, and then be let down by having no foundation. He used the example of driving out the demon (worship) and cleaning up the house, but not filling it up with anything so that the demon can return and bring 7 more stronger demons with it. He could have just as well used the example of the fast-growing flower with the shallow roots, I suppose. But the point stands. Important to make room in our hearts through worship, and then to fill up that space with the knowledge of God that comes from the Word so that we're not deceived or left vulnerable to the attacks that follow worship times. It was a really amazing time, though, complete with going through that decision process.
Friday was not ......yeah. We got together again, and some good things happened: got to minister to a kid that my friends had actually led to Christ a week or so earlier...and then ran into him randomly again that Friday....God.
Anyway, after that, we got together to watch the Awakening again. It was really difficult, actually. Most of us just sat in silence and vegged in front of the screen. It was just really hard to muster up any energy....we were feeling exhausted in every way, wanted to collapse or cry....were force-feeding ourselves Scripture for our healing......but we were all in a weird funk.....except Isaac, who was half-passed-out on the couch, singing/shouting to Jesus with the most ecstatic smile on his face I've ever seen. lol
It was like he was seeing God....:) his body was totally limp and his face was upturned with this huge smile, and he was singing, "Jesus! Jesus! I love you so much Jesus! You're so beautiful! Make a fool of me! I want to look foolish for Your Love! Jesus! You're so good! You're so amazing! I love you! You're the King of my heart!!"....and such and such. :) His joy was so contagious. Cause he CAN'T sing. He was more just like....groaning loudly over the sounds of the service....which were pretty mellow. :) Hilarious. That made it all worth it because it filled us with such joy, and it's stuck with me all day today.
On a sidenote, I am currently listening to Laura Hackett's "I Put on Christ"....and it's re-rocking my world. I've probably heard it every day this week....and yet.
I'm hoping I can start learning what it is to step out in purity and consecration now that this seems even slightly doable. I know it's not easy by any means, but the more time I spend in the Word, getting to know God again, and experiencing Him through worship and learning to recognize Him whenHe comes......well, the more in-love I'll fall, and the easier it will seem to move forward in holiness and separation. I am ok with being alone in the name of holiness....but the problem is that I'm still at a point where I am deciding the circumstances and telling God what I am and am not ok with about His plan for me. This is wrong.
I would like to quit life now and lead worship conferences. Mmk? Mmk.
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